Ayaan kissed her face slowly and his breath was warm against her skin.
“Open your eyes and look at me wifey ” he whispered and her eyes snapped open the moment. Zara’s heart clenched. “Are you imagining her in me ? You always imagined her in me… didn’t you?” she asked suddenly and her voice trembled.
Ayaan went utterly still, as if someone had poured ice-cold water over him. His breath hitched, his hands froze where they were.
“What… what did you just say?” he asked, barely able to believe what he’d heard.
Zara swallowed hard, her voice breaking. “You imagine her when you look at me. But I’m not her. I’m not your Zara.” she said as tears rolled down from the corner of her eyes.
Ayaan jerked away from her as if her words had scorched him. Without looking at her, he reached for the sheet and draped it over her to cover her body and pulled on his shorts with trembling hands. His entire body shook with rage, hurt, disbelief and tears spilled down his cheeks. He fisted his hair, his jaw locked tight and anger simmered through every vein.
He didn’t trust himself to face her not when she thought so little of him, not when he feared his words might cut deeper than the wounds already between them. So he stood there, staring at the empty wall, fighting for control.
Zara slipped off the bed, dressed quietly and sat on the edge, her gaze fixed on the floor as she waited for him to speak. Ayaan couldn’t stay in the room another second. He turned to leave, but her voice stopped him in his tracks.
“Do you think so low of me that you don’t want to answer? Or… did I hit your ego? Did I serve good enough as a placeholder for your girlfriend?” she asked and Ayaan’s control shattered. He grabbed the vase on the table and hurled it onto the floor. It exploded into shards but he still didn’t look at her. Not even once and simply walked out of the room.
In the hallway, he called the manager and ordered all the staff to leave for the night. He needed privacy and no witnesses to the storm building inside him. He entered the study, grabbed a bottle of scotch and drank straight from it until it burned empty. Then he smashed the bottle against the wall, the crash echoing like the cry he couldn’t yet release. He sank to his knees, clutching his hair and finally screamed….raw, painful and helpless.
Zara, now wrapped in a robe, stepped out searching for him. She noticed the staff leaving, the manager bowed politely before exiting and closing the door behind him. Zara locked it and walked toward the study. The moment she stepped inside, Ayaan heard her but didn’t lift his head. He stayed crouched on the floor, broken, breathing hard. She reached for his arm, wanting to help him up but he instantly recoiled, shaking his head violently.
“No… please don’t touch me,” he whispered, forcing himself to stand. He stumbled but caught himself on the table and chair.
Tears gathered in Zara’s eyes as she watched him unraveling because of her words.
Ayaan let out a hollow, unsettling laugh, one that bordered on madness as he grabbed another bottle. With his back still turned to her, he uncapped it and drank straight from it, his shoulders trembling.
“What is my fault ? Is it my fault that I fell in love with the girl who grew up with me? Is it my fault she was snatched away from me? It’s not my fault that you’re the daughter of the man I believed killed her. It’s not my fucking mistake that I saved you that night and you fell for me at first sight.”
He took another long swallow, his grip tightened around the bottle and he laughed again, but it broke into a shudder.
“It’s not my fault you ended up working in my office. And it’s not my mistake that you left that photo open on your laptop, knowing you were supposed to present a report to me.”
He took another gulp, blinking rapidly as his eyes burned with tears he could no longer hide.
“The investigations revealed that the man belonged to a terrorist group, so I assumed you were one of them and that was the first mistake I regret. It was my mistake that I decided to use you for revenge. And that… that is something I will repent for all my life.” He said and blinked rapidly, trying to clear the tears that blurred his vision.
“It’s my fault that I let my fury blind me. My mistake is, I let revenge guide my every step. It’s my mistake that I planted bugs in your apartment and found out you were in love with me. It’s my mistake that I even thought of using your love against you. My damn mistake is that I let you work for me. It is my mistake that the line between revenge and what I felt for you blurred until it drove me insane.” He said and smashed another bottle violently against the floor.
“And yet… I don’t regret any of those mistakes because they got you to me ” he whispered and dragged in a shaky breath.
“I prayed my assumptions were wrong, that you were innocent. I was terrified the investigation would end soon and I’d be forced to let you go. That’s why I set up that date night and made sure my parents were there. I made you think I needed marriage because my parents expected it. But the truth is I wanted you beside me. I couldn’t stay away from you and I knew exactly why. I wanted all of you… no matter what truth hid behind the blast.” he said still not looking at her and picked another bottle.
Zara’s voice trembled. “Why did you want me?”
Ayaan’s hand froze on the next bottle, the cork half-turned. He let out a broken laugh.
“I wasn’t supposed to tell you like this. I had planned everything, a surprise, a perfect moment to talk to you tomorrow. But you found a better way to rip open the truth. Back to your question… I wanted you because I love you.” he said and Zara went still, the words hitting her like a blow.
“You’re lying. How could you love me? You love your girlfriend. I was just a placeholder. You said it that night right after you made me yours. I thought it meant something. But to you, it was just a reminder of her.” Zara replied and tears rolled down her cheeks, but Ayaan’s expression remained calm not detached, but steady.
“The name Zara doesn’t remind me of her, not anymore and that started even before we married. Your voice erased her… effortlessly. For years, I’d hear her in my head every time I tried to sleep. But after you came into my life, all I heard was you. Your voice. Your laugh. Your confessions.” He said and wallowed hard.
“I loved her for more than a decade. I had hugged her, kissed her, we shared moments, yes. But even then, we never went beyond simple intimacy. There was a line we never crossed. With her, I could always hold myself back but with you… you tested every ounce of my control.”
“I wanted your heart, your body, your soul everything to myself. I had planned to continue the act until I found the truth but I wanted our wedding night to be special… just us. My first time love making with the woman I had already fallen hopelessly in love with—my Zara, the woman who had been madly in love with for 6 years. I wanted all of you. I kept repeating that you were mine through out the time and I meant every word” Ayaan said and laughed bitterly at himself.
“I had planned to hurt you the next morning to keep the act going, but you confessed your love to me face to face right after I claimed you as mine. I chose to hurt you in that moment and I did. I have never hated myself more than I did that night. I wanted to run back to you, hold you, wipe away your tears and scream that every word was a lie but I stopped myself.”
Ayaan wiped his face with a shaky hand.
“I know you might feel insecure because you share her name. And even after I hurt you, I didn’t want you to feel like a replacement. That’s why I called you Mrs. Ayaan… wifey. Because I wanted you to know I was living with you, not with my past. I pretended to hurt you but I always took care of you, called you Mrs. Ayaan because that’s what you are. You are mine, my wife the only woman to whom I gave the whole of me because I love you.” Ayaan said and his voice cracked, the confession tearing something open inside him.
” I never forced myself on you. You wanted it too, I saw it in your eyes, in every response you gave me. You’re intelligent enough to know that I love you. But you didn’t know how to take revenge on me for breaking your heart, for playing with your emotions. So you let yourself believe that I was searching for her in you. You could have fought me, slapped me or you could have done anything to punish me or to clear the misunderstanding but you bottled up everything inside… until you exploded in the most brutal way just as I did on our wedding night. You chose the exact way as I did to get back at me and you succeeded in it ” he said and Zara froze hearing his words.
” I don’t even remember the last time I said her name with her in my mind. I even forgot her death anniversary. That day, I went to meet her parents. I told them I was letting go of my past because my heart wanted you and you deserved all of me. I confessed to them that I wanted to propose to you.” Ayaan said and tears streamed down his face now, unstoppable.
“I survived losing her, the girl I loved for more than a decade. But I don’t think I could survive losing you… someone I’ve known only for a few months. I swear, I don’t know how I fell this hard. I hurt you for revenge and when I was finally ready to fix everything you burned my heart and ripped my soul.” he said his voice broke completely.
“Maybe love just isn’t meant for me.” he whispered and a sob escaped him….raw and unrestrained.
“Imagining her in you makes my stomach churn. Even hearing those words disgusts me, it sets my entire body on fire. I would never do that to you. You’re my wife… the woman I love. But I failed you as a husband and even as a human.” he said and swallowed hard.
“I thought my actions were loud enough to prove what you meant to me but I failed there too. I’m sorry and you don’t owe me forgiveness for what I made you feel. You will never have to feel insecure again, wondering if I see someone else in you because I won’t touch you. I won’t cross into your space, your privacy, ever again.” his chest tightened as he said those words but he forced himself to continue.
“I can’t let you go but if that’s what you want, I’ll make sure it happens. Just don’t punish my family for my sins. They love you, they treat you as their own. I will face whatever comes and you will always remain their daughter. I’ll do anything… anything that keeps you happy.” he said and with that, Ayaan turned and walked out of the room, stumbling as he went, barely able to hold himself together.
Zara felt as if a hurricane had torn through her. She reached out to the table for support and her palm pressed the remote that was placed on it. The huge plasma TV turned on and Zarafroze seeing the video that played.
A beautiful garden filled with only yellow and white roses alone appeared and a man stood explaining.
“Sir, everything is ready exactly as you wanted. We’ve imported a total of one crore roses from across the world. Please let me know if you’d like any changes,” the man said in the video and Zara froze, her breath hitched as she realized Ayaan had arranged one crore roses just for her.
Her knees gave out and she collapsed onto the floor as silent tears streamed down her cheeks. Ayaan’s words echoed in her mind, each one like a sharp slap.
She replayed every moment they had shared and the truth hit her painfully. He had mostly called her Mrs. Ayaan and wifey far more than he ever called her Zara. He would say something harsh enough to pierce her heart but the very next second he would hug her, whisper something soft, something tender as if trying to soothe the wound he himself had caused.
“I miss you, Mrs. Ayaan… You’re mine, Mrs. Ayaan… You look beautiful, wifey…”, every word he had ever said haunted her now. A raw scream tore from her throat as realization struck her with brutal force. She had always sworn to love him against all odds. She had even hated his late girlfriend, believing she had used him for power. But now she had become the very thing she despised.
He had hurt her but he had also given her everything she had ever yearned for. Everything his girlfriend had wanted from him, he unknowingly gave her. And she had only hurt him in return, just like the woman before her.
Ayaan didn’t know about his girlfriend’s betrayal. But when he eventually come to know, he would realize she – his wife had done the same. The man had been broken by two women for the same reason that he loved them endlessly. Both made him feel like he wasn’t meant to be loved, like he didn’t deserve love at all.
“What have I done? Why did I let my insecurity blind me? He hurt me but he didn’t deserve what I’ve done to him. Now there’s no difference between the three of us… none.” Zara thought, choking on her sobs. She scrambled to her feet, panicked and shaking, and ran out of the room in search of Ayaan.
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A/N:
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