One and a half years have passed, and now I am nothing more than a full-time maid in my own home. My day begins at 5 a.m., sweeping the front yard, preparing tea for the family, cooking breakfast, and packing lunch for Akash.
Once breakfast is over, I wash the vessels and then the clothes. By the time that is done, it is already noon, and I have to cook lunch and clean the vessels again. Then comes folding the clothes and helping Amma with her pickle packing. In the evening, I prepare tea and snacks for Akash once he returns from school.
After that, I cook dinner, clean the vessels again, sweep the house, and by the time everything is done, it is 10 p.m. Only then do I go back to my room to sleep. I spend at least an hour crying over my fate, pressing my body to ease the pain, and finally, I fall asleep around 11. This has been my routine for the past 18 months without a break, without a change.
Oh, my college? That has become nothing more than a dream that will never come true. I could hardly save anything from the little money I earned teaching students. And when Amma refused to let me join college, I gave up earning altogether for her sake.
Appa was furious for at least three months after I stopped teaching. Even now, he takes out his anger by yelling at me, calling me useless.
I see other girls going to college, and every time, my heart aches. I can’t help but feel how unlucky I am.
Janani tried to speak to Amma and Appa but they were too stubborn to listen. They still refuse to accept her back into the family. But she is happy with her husband and in-laws. I met her once at the temple—she looked beautiful and content, truly happy.
As for the monster and his family, they visited twice, but I ignored them completely. People called me a brat, ungrateful, and arrogant. But honestly, who cares?
Grandma cried because I couldn’t study further, but it wasn’t her fault—or mine—that I was born to her useless son. Last week, Amma and Appa went to visit her, and it seems she is very sick. I wanted to go see her, but I can’t bear to step foot in that place again. So I pray every day for her well-being instead.
I’ve stopped talking to everyone. Even with Amma, I only speak about the work that needs to be done.
The fights at home never stop. Appa has been drinking more these days. People he borrowed money from keep coming home, demanding it from Amma, and she only fights with Appa in return.
The monster now only sends money for Akash’s education. Grandma has fallen sick and stopped helping us, so even Amma has been borrowing money on interest. They even mortgaged our home in return for money. Everything is a mess, the family, the house, everyone.
Why was God so cruel as to send me into such a family? Why couldn’t I have loving parents? Why can’t I live a normal life? Why wasn’t I allowed to study the way I wished?
It’s been years since I have spoken my heart out to anyone. The wounds in my heart keep growing like a tumor, with no one to help me heal.
This is me… the silent Meera, carrying silent wounds in my heart. This is how my life goes on, ranting inside my mind because I am too much of a coward to fight the people who are hurting me.
All my rantings came to a halt when a loud commotion broke out. I stopped washing the clothes and rushed to the front yard. As usual, the people who had lent us money had gathered—this time demanding their money back.
Appa wasn’t home, and Amma stood there crying, unable to respond.
“Aren’t you ashamed to live on someone’s money? You eat, sleep, and live your life every day as if nothing’s wrong, so why can’t you work and return our money?” one of them shouted. My teeth clenched as I fought back tears.
“It’s good your elder daughter knew you weren’t capable of marrying her off, so she chose her own life. Otherwise, she too would be working to feed you all forever,” another man said, and Amma glared at him with burning eyes.
“I will return your money as soon as possible. Stop talking about our family. Please leave—I will somehow pay back every rupee,” Amma pleaded, her voice trembling. But they only laughed.
“As if we would believe you. Be prepared—your second daughter will also bring shame on you very soon. She must have already learned what her parents are capable of. You have one month to return our money, or forget that you even have a roof over your head,” another man threatened before they all walked away, leaving us shattered.
I returned to the backyard to finish washing the clothes while Amma sat in her room crying. When I finished, I heard Amma talking to someone, maybe her brother or Kavitha aunty but I was sure they would no longer help. They had refused several times recently, and Amma still hadn’t learned her lesson.
I made lunch and then went into my room to rest for a while. My fingers and toes were pruney from being in water so long. I rubbed my palms and pressed my feet to ease the ache from standing all day. I heard Amma call, and we ate our meal in silence.
That night Appa came home drunk and a huge fight broke out about money. In the end, Appa convinced Amma that he would speak to Grandma one last time. They decided to visit her in person but fate has never been kind to our family.
The next day, Kavitha aunty called Amma to tell her that Grandma’s condition had become serious and she had been admitted to the hospital. We rushed into the city. Grandma looked very weak; she could barely speak.
“She’s been suffering and we’ve been taking care of her alone. I think you should stop pestering her for money. You haven’t done anything for her all these years. We’re exhausted. We have been supporting two families, and even Amma was contributing. Now we’re paying for all her medical expenses alone. I don’t mind doing it for her, but at least stop demanding money. I’m human too, I have two children and I worry about their future,” Kavitha aunty said. Amma and Appa felt ashamed and simply nodded.
I saw the monster and the devil standing in the corner of the room and felt their eyes on me. I hid myself between Amma and Kavitha aunty. By evening Priya arrived straight from college, she looked so happy. I hugged her, but my gaze kept returning to her college bag and the books she had placed beside it.
Some people are born to live, while some are born only to survive.
She is living, and I am surviving.
She lives the light, I breathe the dark.
That night we returned to the village, and with it, the final hope of borrowing money from Grandma vanished.
The next morning Amma and Appa sat discussing ways to handle our problems. All the doors had closed on them. Amma looked at me, and the expression on her face turned terrifying. I couldn’t stand there, so I returned to the kitchen to start cooking, but I could still hear their conversation.
“That man said one day Meera will also run away like Janani did, because we are incapable of giving her a proper life. I would die of shame if she did something like that. There is no way we can solve our problems. Let’s sell this house, clear the debts, get Meera married, and save some money for Akash and his future,” Amma said, breaking into tears.
“Are you insane? This is the only asset we have. What will we do after selling it? Where will we stay, and how will we pay rent?” Appa shouted, but Amma wasn’t listening.
“If Meera is married and the debts are cleared, we can move into a small house, just the two of us. As for Akash, we can ask Kavitha’s husband for help. If he can find someone to sponsor his studies, our burden will be reduced. This is the only way, and I don’t want to hear anything else from you,” she said firmly, and I heard her footsteps as she walked away.
My heart shattered. She thought of me like that? I have never stepped out of home, never spoken to anyone, and still she thought I would run away? I have never been a burden to them since the day I was born, and now they wanted to marry me off just to reduce their burden?
My hands froze midair while chopping vegetables. I refused to wipe the tears off my face. If I had some hate for them before, now I hated them even more. Why did they even have children, only to let them suffer like this?
I completely stopped talking to them after that. Appa even called a few people to check our house and sell it for a good price. Two weeks passed, but anyone who came was only ready to pay a meager amount. Everyone in the village knew our condition, and they used it to their advantage, offering less than the house was worth. Not their fault—our misery had become their opportunity.
Appa and Amma were frustrated that they couldn’t find a buyer for the house. With only two weeks left to pay all the debts, the tension in the home felt like a knife.
One of Appa’s friends had taken him to meet someone in a nearby village, and he hadn’t returned yet. Amma called him and found out he would come back the next day.
Two days later, Akash was playing with his friends when I returned from the temple. I saw a bike parked by the gate and walked in, unaware of what was happening.
When I entered, Appa and Amma were talking to a man, the friend who had taken Appa away. They all looked happy, their smiles reached their eyes. It seemed they’d finally found someone to buy the house. Which meant they would get rid of me as soon as possible.
Should I be happy that I would leave this hell, or should I cry that I’m only twenty and they already wanted to marry me off?
I didn’t want to jump to conclusions, I’m no fan of destiny. God always seems to have plans to ruin my life, and I didn’t want to spoil whatever he had scheduled.
When the man left, Amma and Appa looked at each other, then called me.
Okay. This doesn’t look good.
What are they thinking now?
Should I jump in the well?
“Meera.”
Wow—that’s new. Amma hasn’t called me “Meera” in a year. Definitely doom was being planned.
I stood before them, braced to hear whatever they had decided this time.
“Meera, we’ve received a proposal for you. The family likes you a lot and has asked for your hand in marriage.”
They finally dropped the bomb.
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A/N:
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